


Totally a Rescue Romance

by misura



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: M/M, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 01:18:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16440353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Ned gets kidnapped. Peter pulls off an amazing, super-smooth rescue.





	Totally a Rescue Romance

"Dude," Ned whispered, "you need to get a girlfriend. Like, yesterday."

Peter had dodged the bad guy guards and he'd knocked out some of the bad guy dogs, which might actually be perfectly nice dogs, but Mr Stark had been very clear about not taking unncessary risks, so.

So here he was, just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man dropping by to save his friend from a bunch of kidnappers. Peter didn't think they were working for HYDRA or Thanos or something, so he figured this was really the sort of thing he was supposed to take care of by himself, especially since Ned was his friend and everything.

Mr Stark would probably have known what to do when you showed up to rescue someone and the first thing they said _wasn't_ 'Thank God you are here - let's get out of here right now'.

As it was, Peter supposed he was going to have to improvise, which was fine. He improvised all the time. "Hey, Ned. Have you been drugged?"

"Depends," Ned said. "Are you a hallucination? Because if yes, I may have been."

"I'm not a hallucination," Peter said, keeping an eye on the door. He'd come in through the window, but he didn't think he'd be able to get Ned out that way. "I was just asking because, you know, I come in here to rescue you, and instead of being all 'yay, I'm being rescued' you're all 'Peter, you need a girlfriend'. It seems a bit strange, is all."

"Look," Ned said, while Peter worked on getting him loose, "I'm just saying. If you had a girlfriend, _they'd_ be the ones getting kidnapped. Savvy? I'm not the guy stuff like that's supposed to happen to. I'm your man in the chair, Peter."

"Well, you're tied to a chair," Peter pointed out. "So."

Ned scowled. "Dude. Not funny."

"I'm just saying."

"Hey, do you think these guys know that you're ... you know." Ned lowered his voice. "Spider-Man?"

"I am Spider-Man," Peter said. "I'm wearing the costume and everything. This is a Spider-Man rescue. Anyone catches us on their cellphone, it's going to end up on YouTube as a Spider-Man video."

"You know what I meant." Ned rubbed his wrists. "Hey, did you call the Avengers?"

"Um, no?" Peter'd considered calling Mr Stark, maybe asking him for a few tips, all casual-like, 'yeah, hi, I'm on a rescue right now, about to enter the bad guy's lair - anything you feel I should know about those?'. It hadn't felt quite right, though.

"Good call," Ned said. "I mean, they're probably busy, right? And it's not like I'd even want to meet them. Like, half of them are like criminals now or something. Pft. Who needs the Avengers?"

"The whole world, maybe, kind of?" Peter hadn't actually been told anything, but he heard things, all right? "I mean, they're the Avengers. They already saved the world, like, three times?"

"Ultron doesn't count," Ned said, getting up. "Shouldn't you web the door or something, to keep people from coming in?"

"Ultron totally counts," Peter said. "And if I web the door, how're we going to leave?"

Ned sat down on the chair again. "Peter. I don't know if you noticed but there are people out there with guns. Guns, Peter!"

Peter shrugged. "I'm Spider-Man. I can handle them."

"I'm not!" Ned said. "I can't! In fact, I'm very, deeply allergic to stuff like bullets."

This rescue really wasn't going according to the playbook at all. Not that Mr Stark had given him one, only Peter'd figured he kind of had this one. He read comics; he knew how this sort of thing went down. "So what? You're just going to sit here?"

Ned crossed his arms and slouched a bit. "Sounds like a plan to me. You called the cops, right?"

"Um, no?" Mr Stark had been pretty clear about that one. Cops asked questions. Cops wanted to write down your name and address. Cops would take you home to your Aunt May and tell her they'd spotted you wearing a Spider-Man costume and performing dangerous and technically illegal acts of heroism.

"O-kay," Ned said slowly. "Man, you really suck at this. But fine, it's your first time. Good thing I'm here, huh? Now, Peter. Listen to me.This is important. Call the police. Call the police right now."

"I don't have my cellphone with me."

"Stark gave you a suit and it doesn't even have a cellphone?"

"I'm back on the training-wheels protocol," Peter said defensively. "It's not my fault."

"So what you're saying is, we're stuck," Ned said. "Great. That's great. Why me?"

"Probably just bad luck." Peter tried to sound calm. Patient. "Look, Ned, I've got this, okay? You're simply going to have to trust me, that's all. I can get you out of here, no problem. Piece of cake."

Ned took a deep breath. Peter tensed, ready to spring into action, but then, of course, instead of saying, 'all right, you're my best friend and I trust you 100%', Ned said, "So walk me through it."

"It?"

"The plan, Peter," Ned said. "Walk me through the plan."

"We don't have time for that! Besides," Peter said, because lying to your friends was bad, "I don't really have a plan."

Ned sighed. "Peter. As your best friend, I'm touched, okay? I'm touched that you would drop everything else you're doing and come right here, right now to save me. Next time though, please take the time to come up with a plan. Please. Plans are important."

"I can - " Peter started saying, when someone knocked on the door.

"Someone in there with you, kid?"

Ned shot Peter a look. "No, sir! Just uh, talking to my imaginary friend Spider-Man."

Peter mouthed 'what are you doing?'.

Ned shook his head and pointed at his ears.

Peter mouthed 'seriously, what are you doing?'.

Ned shook his head again, which wasn't helping. The door stayed shut though, so Peter figured they were okay, more or less, apart from the bit where they really needed to get out of here.

"I am not your imaginary friend! Spider-Man is a real person!" Peter said, once he was sure the bad guy guard was gone.

"Dude, chill," Ned said. "Bet you lots of kids have Spider-Man as their fantasy buddy. Besides, it worked, didn't it? So how about we come up with a plan to get out of here?"

"We don't need a plan for that! We - what was that?" There was a lot of noise coming from outside. Peter picked up snatches of gunfire and things falling over, and a couple of explosions, and people yelling stuff. Maybe Ned had been on to something after all with his plan to stay right here.

On the other hand, if the bad guys out there had gotten into a fight, it was probably with the good guys, and the good guys might need Peter's help.

"Ned."

"Yeah, okay. You go and do your Spider-Man thing. I'll figure out a way to block the door," Ned said. "Unless you think I should wait for someone to walk in and then hit them over the head with a chair or something. I mean, hey, man in the chair, man with the chair, what's the difference?"

Peter was pretty sure now was not an appropriate time for hugs. "Cool. All right. Thanks, Ned."

Ned nodded at him solemnly. "Any time. Just - "

Peter paused.

Ned bit his lip. "If I don't make it, I want you to know that I love you."

Apparently, Ned hadn't gotten the memo about this being the wrong time for totally platonic expressions of totally platonic feelings. "Um. Okay. Love you too, buddy."

"No, I meant - " Ned said, and then someone made the door explode and someone who sounded a whole lot like Mr Stark was saying, "All right, you in there, come on out with your hands up," and it occurred to Peter that someone'd have to be seriously crazy to try and pretend to be Mr Stark when they weren't.

 

"You said you hadn't called anyone," Ned said. Someone'd given him a blanket. He sounded vaguely accusing.

"I didn't!" That was true. "Guess Mr Stark was just in the neighborhood or something." That wasn't, but Peter was still working on a nice way of saying that Mr Stark probably kind of kept tabs on him and maybe sort of had him under 24/7 surveillance without making it sound creepy. Which Mr Stark wasn't, and anyway, look how well things had turned out today.

"So hey, about all that stuff I was saying," Ned said.

"Hey, it's cool," Peter said quickly. "I mean, we're friends. It happens. Forgiven and forgotten."

Ned gave him a look.

"Oh," Peter said. " _That_ stuff. Uh. Mr Stark says I'm too young to start dating?" Aunt May'd said that Mr Stark might have a point, but also that he wasn't the boss of Peter (which, maybe, kind of? except that no way could she ever find out about that, so) and that she, for one, trusted Peter to act like a responsible, mature person capable of making his own choices.

"What about make-out sessions while you help me put together the new edition of the Millennium Falcon? It's got crawl spaces and everything."

Peter swallowed. He liked Ned. A lot. Plus, what kind of idiot would pass up a chance at the Falcon? "Well, he never mentioned anything specifically about that, so I guess he'd be cool with it?"

"Great. Great. So uh, are _you_ cool with it?" Ned asked. " 'cause, I mean - "

"Oh, yeah, totally," Peter said quickly.

Ned grinned. He looked a bit dazed, like maybe he'd bumped his head or something. "Cool."

"I uh better get out of here before the cops arrive," Peter said.

"Totally," Ned said. "And hey, thanks for trying to rescue me."

"No problem." Peter felt like maybe he should do or say something extra. If this were a comic book, he and Ned'd probably get in some kissing, but there were a serious lot of people around already, so somebody'd definitely see them.

On the other hand, he'd gotten lucky a lot already today, so he might as well take a chance. What was the worst that could happen, after all?

Ned got the idea pretty quickly, so they managed a solid half minute before someone would've caught them if Peter hadn't heard them coming.


End file.
